Local Revision: Wordiness

    One of the first Local Revisions my QRG needs to undergo is being edited down for wordiness.  A QRG needs to be direct, to the point, and quick to read.

    I've selected the first paragraph from my draft an edited it for wordiness.

Asahiko generic-highlight-red-marker-round 8-7-2012 via WikimediaPublic Domain

Before the edit:


"Time crystals are a theoretical atomic structure of matter first proposed by Nobel laureate and MIT physics professor, Frank Wilczek.  At the simplest level, the structure would be a crystal that has a regular structure across both space and time.  Such a structure could possibly oscillate continuously without external input.  This idea and it’s troubling implications have generated quite a bit of interest."



After the edit:

"Time crystals are a theoretical structure of matter first proposed by Nobel laureate Frank Wilczek.  The structure would be a crystal with a regular structure across both space and time.  Such a structure would oscillate continuously without external input.  This idea and it’s implications have generated quite a bit of interest."


    This edit streamlines the paragraph and removes information that only serves to distract in the first paragraph.  Dr. Wilczek's position can be clarified later.  In the final sentence I removed the "troubling" because implications are almost always troubling.

    I'm not as certain that the edit helps the two middle sentences.  "At the simplest level," is likely unnecessary, but it does establish that the structure is not easily conceptualized. Changing "could possibly" to would speeds up the sentence, but implies more certainty than I am entirely comfortable with.

I think the edit improves the paragraph, but it is possibly excessive.